Star Crafty

02) Lay several career option on the table. Watch as she stumbles through all of them.

03) Organize an indie craft fair with a group of nice people from the Southeast.

04) Award her a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in a field she loves (photography) and one she abandoned (filmmaking).

05) Bake yummylicious cupcakes on First Friday Happy Hours.

06) Employ her in low-paying jobs unrelated to her degree.

07) Plant the seeds for an indie boutique and watch as they fail to sprout.

08) Travel to Raleigh, North Carolina, after a weekend of lies, then convince her she needs to move to Las Vegas.

09) Begin the moving process.

10) Have her meet a group of wonderful friends at her job. Make sure they make her feel like home.

11) Offer her to write an article about the fun shops in Savannah for your national crafts magazine.

12) Pack a book into her tote bag, take her to the park and have her meet the most wonderful man ever.

13) Make her doubt the cross-country move.

14) Ruthlessly empty out her bank account and damage her car.

15) Make her realize the monetary necessity to leave.

16) Fly her to Vegas.

17) Make sure new co-workers and clients treat her like crap.

18) Sneak the song into the hotel's music stream.

19) Considerably slow down her process of making new friends.

20) Load local Savannah bakery's blog post about its 4 year anniversary.

21) Schedule Larry King to interview Paula Deen on live national television.

22) Remind her and whisper to her everything happens for a reason, as she shakes and cries uncontrollably one uneventful Monday morning, lamenting the happy life (or perhaps memories) she had to leave 3000 miles behind.