Amy Nieto Photography + Design

Three mornings ago (oh I love the last dreams of the night), I dreamed my mother and I had taken a one day trip to Paris, for some reason on that day it was closer to us than usual. We arrive on my car (that's how close Paris was) and are looking for a parking spot in order to begin our journey. We pull up to a multi-level where the guard (who has the style of a 1968 Mick Jagger, but with blond hair) informs us because our car is US platform we cannot park here, but then he continues to chat with us in his beautifully accented English. It was Sunny, outside, perhaps late Spring. We park somewhere, and set out to walk the city of Paris. The dream ends, I wake up... with the biggest smile and heart. Oh what a wonderful dream. I mentioned it to mami and she said it ended at that moment because, somehow, we are still there, in that dream. I'd like to believe I am. Ohh, someday.

The following night my real-life desire to live on my own manifested itself in dream form. I was offered a magnificent bedroom in a beautiful Southern plantation-type mansion. The room was easily at least 800 sq ft, with shiny, yet old, dark hardwood floors, two open entryways, overlooking a perfectly set dining room and another room, possibly the kitchen. An old stand-like piano sat against the gray wall, a small sofa in the center of the room, and the over-sized ornate mirror hanging from the North wall reflected the almost overbearing light shining from the floor to ceiling glass windows that spanned the entire room, offering me a breath-taking view of the greenery that belonged to the house. It was the most beautiful place I've ever been. The lady, a very classic estately lady, offered the room for only $900 a month. I can't convey how wonderful the lighting was in this room. Oh my.

Another dream a few weeks ago had my brother and I traveling once again, this time to the United Kingdom. My purpose was to visit an old friend who I hadn't spoken to in years, but I found out she had begun her college years in a centuries old university on a small island off the southern coast of England, called Barbara. We traverse the Atlantic Ocean and arrive at Barbara Island. It was a late afternoon, the Sun shining bright but still low in the sky and I was walking through a giant field of wildflowers, backlit by the intense light and my hand caressing the rebellious flowers. VERY photographic. My friend suggests we visit the mainland, to London! Oh London, one of my biggest dreams! I don't remember us actually going, but I felt this immense happiness and giddyness about FINALLY visiting this great city. As per usual, the dream ends there.

Travel, travel, travel, that's all I've ever wanted to do. Soon, soon, I can feel it. One of the most important trips I need to do this year is spend Christmas back in Puerto Rico, which I haven't done in 5 years. And I miss it. Y'all don't understand how, um, peculiar the holiday season is in my island.

Hint: it's freakin insane.

I wish I could go for a walk right now. But it's raining, at midnight and I'm too much of a chicken to walk alone at this hour. I will feel better tomorrow, I know it.

On a good note, I bought yet another itty bitty sweetie succulent plant. Something tells me I need to avoid New Seasons. $2.50 is just too awesome for a succulent.

I've been in the business for 6 months since moving to Portland. It feels as if this has been a trial period for me wherein I was allowed to make a few mistakes, meet lots of clients, figure out how I want to shape this one-gal studio. With the slow Winter season nearing its end, I am ready (and a bit scared) to, as the cliche goes, take this to the next level. We learned so so so so so so many good things about how to market, sell, treat your clients/peers. Oh my, information overload! We met sweet photographers and had a delicious lunch catered by the MGM staff. Hilary and I both concluded photographers Laura Novak and Tony Hewitt were our fave speakers of the workshop. I'd like to share two images that made me gasp out loud.

I can't wait to go home Thursday and turn the way I do business downside up, without ever losing track of what I love to do and who I am.

{Taken from my Southwest window seat yesterday - I'm in Vegas right now. Oh Vegas, you crazy crabby girl.}

I love photographing kids. Through the viewfinder I feel a wonderful surge of energy, imagination, love, curiosity that, sadly, cannot be captured in image. It's truly amazing, never thought I'd enjoy this so much.

But yet... Do I want to have children of my own? As I near my thirties and carry the weigh of generations of Puerto Rican women on my shoulders, I ponder my role as a woman in society. Are my thoughts brought upon tradition and expectation, or by a careful evolution of my own personality.

I do not believe having children is a human instinct. We can all agree that procreation is not always the purpose for which we engage in sexual intercourse. Though every species must ensure its longevity we humans are a bit more complicated than that. So WHY do we have kids? Is it because of tradition and expectation? Marriage - Car - House - Kids. The Next Logical Step. The Traditional American Cycle. Is it because it never occurred you NOT to have them?

Some may argue offspring is the final piece that will complete you. I have always argued an individual should complete his/her own self before giving their all to another person. You complete me sounds very romantic on film, but to my ears it sounds partly selfish, to need another person to feel whole, like a clutch. Back in my early twenties I would feel a strong desire to have a child. Now I realize my desire came from wanting to have somebody who would love me unconditionally. I quickly recognized this as a misguided reason to have a child. What WOULD be a correct reason to have a child, then, if any?

To provide the world an intelligent, responsible, leader of society? A noble reason, I must admit. But can't you do that yourself, instead of relying on the next generation to improve the state of the world? All parents have expectations for their children, but that's all it is, expectations. Force something unto them and it might backfire.

If you DO decide to raise a child, why not adopt one? Granted, the adoption process in the US is ridiculous. So instead of wanting to have that kid at age 24, why not wait ten more years and have enough money saved and credentials to finally adopt a child? Again, is it a misguided notion that your bloodline will end FOREVER?? I am a firm believer that bloodlines are created through the people we interact and form strong bonds with. For example, I have basically three grandmothers, one of them not being my real grandma at all (granpa's second wife), but I love this woman SO MUCH because she chose to treat us, and my mom, as if we were her own. The love this woman has shown us is... I cannot describe it into words (tears might explain more, really). Yet, my paternal grandmother denied us this love (my maternal grandma is AWESOME, she likes to drink beer and her chicken is DELISH). Not to mention my father lovingly abandoned us on my first day of kindergarten. See what I'm trying to explain? Blood, last names, family crests matter shit. Love, that's what really counts, it's what lasts.

Please don't tell me I'd be missing out on the FANTASTIC AND OUT OF THIS WORLD experience of child birth and motherhood, because I will shut that irrational argument down in 0.3 seconds. I have the skills to do so.

I don't want to continue listing hypothetical questions. Most of the possible futures I dream up for myself do not include a child. I've heard the age old When you meet the right man, then you will want to have kids. Hmm. I dunno. That kinda goes back to the whole You Complete Me thing. I can see myself married but to need a child to cement that love is a completely different issue and I am not sure it is the right one, either. But then again, oftentimes I still feel as if I'm 15 and the prospect of family is still SO FAR AWAY.

You may be noticing a streak of posts heavy on questions and philosophy and hardcore stuff like that lately on this blog. As a young, educated Puerto Rican woman it is tough to realize, that when you go back home, you have become a bit of an alien by not following traditional, pre-set, unquestionable expectations (OMG I'm 27 unmarried, single, childless, I MUST BE THE L3SBIANZ - rolls eyes). I also haven't had many shoots in the past month so I have an unnerving amount of free time on my hands.

Please do not interpret my views as a contempt and hatred towards individuals who have chosen to raise families. Nowhere near. In fact, I admire you all who are doing an excellent job at it. After all, my mother raised us, facing every possible obstacle, save for war and geographical dislocation, and I can only admire her for that. Last I heard, parenting is HARD. Like.. HARD. That being said, you mothers and fathers, I ask you... WHY did you decide to have children?

If the pregnancy was unplanned, WHY did you decide to keep the child?

If you are planning on having kids, WHY?

If you have decided NOT to have kids, then also, WHY?

And also, should we stop measuring our roles in society based on gender, and instead, view our collective achievements as HUMAN BEINGS (which is why I get SICK of hearing "oh the first black president, the first woman to... this and this and this". Yeah it's great to recognize achievements from "minorities" but let's not dwell TOO much on that, thanks)?

I do appreciate any and all answers, observations, ramblings, insults, cupcakes, the such. Bring it.

These are images from my Sunday with Le Alyson Magnifique. They're just pretty images of comforting lighting.

That's Alyson in black and white.

Two ladies at Pix

It snowed briefly that morning. A decent thin layer of white. I can take that. 13 inches? Not so much.

Pretty window display at Ink & Peat

Alyson browsing through cute letterpress greeting cards at Lark Press

Though I have missed this beautiful spectacle of nature so badly, I cannot possibly imagine what these abundant Portland showers will bloom in just a few weeks.